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just fucking draw. don’t compare yourself to other people, don’t stop because you drew a lot last tuesday and you haven’t visibly improved. it takes time, effort, and a lot of perseverance. besides, no matter how “bad” you think you are, there’s still gonna be someone who thinks the stuff you produce is the best goddamn thing they’ve ever seen in their entire life. the artist you were five years ago would have their mind fucking blown by the artist you are today. so just draw a fuckton, because every new thing you draw is one drawing better than you were before.

i think this is funny, cos i was just thinking about this anime and his drawing….i’m trying to create something dealing with anime characters, and i need to be able to draw it first. i was thinking mine is gonna look a lot like his from love stage haha i kind of gave up on art after high school. it seems like every time i get somewhat good at something, i stop doing it, which prevents me from getting better. i’m a half-asser, and that doesn’t help lol


He said it himself and now he’s embarrassed by it. Isn’t that adorable?

this is why I love that Nobuhiko Okamoto voices him! because this is exactly how HE is! he says all those cheesy lines but inside he’s just blushing so hard and he is such a cutiepie! it was an accurate selection in terms of voice acting! :3

i just watched the latest episode and reading manga, too…enjoying it.

(Source: bokuto)

You know when you go to get your name changed at the social security office, and you see your ex-husband and the woman he cheated on you with?

Yeah. That totally happened. I was polite though :) But, it seems that my second ex-husband is still the same cowardly person that he always was, because he left his girlfriend by herself to get confronted by me. By confronted, I mean that I told her that I feel sorry for her and that I wished her luck…along with a few other things but nothing rude. I swear. lol Warning someone, who probably doesn’t give a damn, is probably futile. 

Oh, and she was just legal divorced a month ago. My ex and I have been divorced since November. Better that she is stuck with him than me. I live a more stress-life now :) Okay, maybe not totally stress-free, but it’s about 50 percent. hehe

I have started working on a craft/art project.

In my head, it looks so awesome, getting it to look like the image in my head is a different story. I have also learned the hard way that painting wood sucks, and you should probably look very carefully at the paints you are using, because you might end up mixing watercolor paint with acrylic paint. -.- Yeah, I totally did that. I ended up scrapping the first piece of wood I was using…probably about $2.00 in materials I wasted, not to mention my time. Ugh. So frustrating. There’s this part of me that wishes I had really concentrated on art when I was younger. I was getting good at it, but like with a lot of things in my life, I totally half-assed it (which translates into: getting bored and not giving anymore effort to getting better…I did this with a lot of things). Maybe I’m a self-saboteur…almost positive that I am. :\

Traumatized: Part 2

I posted earlier how I was traumatized by the movie “Bring it On: In It to Win It”. It was a terrible movie. What traumatized me the most was the two battling cheer teams at the cheer camp: The Sharks and The Jets. I had a WTF moment, BECAUSE if you know your musical movie history, that is the name of the two gangs in “West Side Story.”’t. Yes, they did…UGH! There was a scene with a cheer off which took place in the streets, it was made to look kind of like the dance street fight in West Side Story, and the po-po come break up the party. The killer was, in the short 15 minutes I was subjected to this movie, that one of the characters says to another, “You’re the one who started the rumble.”

Please, if you have any sense, don’t ever watch it, don’t let your friends watch it, and not even your kids. You, and they, will lose brain cells if you do. I can’t even bring myself to put a pic or link, because it’s ridiculous.


I have two problems:

I can’t tell half the characters apart. I need everyone to wear a differed color hat and a name tag.

Two of the characters are pushy jerks. I’m hoping the couple that got together will give the other guys tips on how to attract guys without freaking them out.

sekai ichi hatsukoi and junjou romantica started blurring together in my head…i just did a rewatch, so now i know who is who lol

Depression and me in the always-online generation.


Over the years that I’ve written on this blog, I’ve talked about my history with what I called, and still to this day call, depression. It was 2007 and 2008. I kept myself hidden away in my bedroom, skipped a lot of class, and just generally felt sad most of the time. It was, what I assumed, what depression was: an overwhelming sense of helplessness, anger, and apathy. As I look back to that time and to stints over the last six years, I wonder if it was actually depression or if it was what I’ve come to call

"Obese, bored, lonely, and addicted to the Internet."

Certainly depression is a real, certifiable thing, but I have a nagging suspicion that sometimes when the word gets thrown around it’s a self diagnosis that can actually be attributed to our own self loathing, embarrassment to be seen in public and envy as we watch our friends live lives online that make our own look truly lackluster. 

I came to hate people I once considered friends and watched incessantly with animosity at each new picture and video they uploaded. The jealousy I had as I looked at their perfect bodies was only matched by the insecurity I felt with my own. Why would I do that? Why would anyone do that? And it compounds on itself. Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook. F5, F5, F5, F5.

Obese, bored, lonely, and addicted to the Internet.

Falling behind, avoiding friends, living in a dark room, and eating fast food exclusively. It was, no doubt, a truly depressing existence; but was it actually depression?

I have my doubts. Because as soon as I dragged myself from the house and went for a walk around campus, or played racquetball with Jed, or hiked up the local mountain, the suffocating blanket was removed. And once I got serious about life and living better, it was gone permanently. Well, until I fell into old habits. And maybe that’s the difference. Depression, it seems, doesn’t shake off like that. It’s a long constant battle. I was quick to diagnose myself and, frankly, feel sorry for myself when I might have just been trying to justify a shitty way of living. 

even when you think depression is gone, it never really is….some people just find coping mechanisms, which you seemed to be successful with, but it’s easy to fall back with one little insecurity. that ‘shitty’ way of living you speak of? well, that happens to a lot of depressives. i mean, i don’t really know you, so it could be that don’t have depression, but as a mother to three kids who have some form of it, i know what it’s like. i think the best part of this whole post is that you recognize when you’re in a cycle and know how to get out of it. half the battle right there :)

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